Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - July 2005

01/07/05  ||  Global Domination

In this edition of Audio Autopsy we are but 5 people instead of the regular 6(66). Why? Go. Fuck. Yourself.

Satariel: Hydra

7.8 /10

Lord K: Satariel kills. It’s as simple as that. One of Sweden’s finest and most unknown gems. 9

Syrrok: This is one hell of an album. The vocals alone make this album fucken STELLAR! Satariel just became one of my new favorite bands. Excellently written material with tons of hooks and well done riffs. The textures they’ve woven into their music with the programmings only further set this album apart from the rest in this AA session. This album owns all this time around. 8

Farlus: I need to go back and listen to “Phobos and Deimos”, because I definitely don’t remember this band playing music in this vein. Overall I like it, but it does lack variety for the most part. Nothing really struck me upon first listen. I imagine I’ll need a few more to truly come to a complete conclusion on the record. 5

Desert Eagle: This reminds me of Immortal meets Soilwork. If this sounds like a good thing to you then you will like it. That doesn’t sound good to you? What are you a stupid retard with shit for brains? Clean the shit out of your ears idiot, this is good. 7

The Abyss: Even though “Hydra” shows a more homogeneous sound then “Phobos & Deimos” (which was a masterpiece by the way) and I sometimes find myself missing a fast scorcher of a song like “The Claim”, it’s clear that “Hydra” is a great piece of work. Fusing together (melodic) death, thrash, black and doom and making it their own, I can do nothing but bow down to Satariel and put “Hydra” on repeat. Again. 10

Ram Zet: Intra

6.6 /10

Lord K: Read my review of this album for my thoughts on it. I’ll raise the grade a bit since I knew this album would grow on me. Ram-Zet are unique. 8

Syrrok: Some interesting stuff on this one. The vag vocals are rather killer, as are most of the riffs. Beyond that I don’t see much stickin to the wall when it’s all said and done. The key element they have forgotten is groove. That sucks. Try again. 4

Farlus: This is by far Ram-Zet’s best album to date. I like the previous albums, but not nearly this much. Whoever does the clean female vocals does some really top-notch work here. I don’t remember her being this good before. It may not be the same girl, but if it is, that’s awesome. I seriously doubt they can top this record. If they do, I’ll be more surprised than a girl that’s just been slipped the shocker. Incredible album. 9

Desert Eagle: I give them credit for trying something interesting with black metal. I take that credit right back for sucking. Good try guys. 4

The Abyss: Norwegian musicians seem to have a extrodinary knack for thinking outside the box and creating unique and adventerous music, blending all sorts of styles and still making it work. In Ram-Zet’s case it’s some kind of blend of techno-death with gothic overtones, violin and the odd Meshuggah-like temposhift. It works surprisingly well and Sfinx’ (that’s the girl) is a powerhouse of a singer, sometimes even close to the tsunami-like force of Agnete M. Kirkevaag. Unfortenately Zet’s “Dani Filth meets a pneumonia”-like croakings are the only discernable weak spot in the bands armor. 8

In Quest: The comatose quandary

6.2 /10

Lord K: In-pressive, In-tense, In-Quest. 8

Syrrok: There’s some pretty groovy stuff on this one, which is stacked on top of the normal death metal stuff. You’ll also get some nice guitar solos in there. A good album to get the beers in to. 5

Farlus: These guys appeal heavily to my primal sense of metal. They’re alot of just simple, heavy stuff in here and that’s something I dig. As long as it gets my head banging, it’s good to me, no matter how technical it is. I get a big 2 Ton Predator vibe here from their guitar tone, and that’s always a good thing. 7

Desert Eagle: So there’s a definite trend of stupid names and horrible vocals this month. Like Holy Moses this band also has vocals that are “teh suck” but the music is pretty good. Oh well, not fucken good enough. 5

The Abyss: Like a blend of In Flames and Black Dahlia Murder. If that sounds like you’re cup fo tea, it most likely is. At times I like it, but I wouldn’t pay for it. 6

Hate Eternal: I, Monarch

5.8 /10

Lord K: Impressive musicianship and impressive growls won’t make a great album unless you have impressive songs. Hate Eternal’s a good fucken death metal band but a full album of crushing and monotonous death metal is a bit too much for me, no matter how neatly played it is. 6

Syrrok: I’m willing to bet this album will end up towards the top of the rankings for this months AA, but I don’t think it deserves it. This is well executed death metal, but that’s nothing special. There are some weird arrangements in there that catch my interest, but they always tend to dive back into the same ol’ drudga-drudga-drudga routine. Boring. 3

Farlus: This band has the potential to write lots of good music – and they do throughout this record – but eventually it gets a little repetitive. I really dig the vocals. I’m a sucker for a growl that’s intelligible but still brutal (Jorgen Sandstrom comes to mind). Still, if this is the product of Erik Rutan leaving MA to focus on this project full-time, then I applaud him, because this album is definitely better than “Heretic” was. The last track, an instrumental, owns me. I have nothing witty to say. 7

Desert Eagle: Been there done that, completely standard death metal with nothing new or interesting to add. 6

The Abyss: If you’ve played in Morbid Angel you’re bound to know your stuff and if your drummer’s nickname is “one-take” you better not fuck up. Needless to say Hate Eternal delivers. Fast, punishing Florida-death with the speed and weight of a charging rhino, “I, Monarch” should satisfy all those who think Morbid Angel’s lost the touch. 7

Grand Magus: Wolf’s return

5.4 /10

Lord K: Not completely awful but still nothing I’d sell my cock for. Sometimes it rocks quite a bit (“Kingslayer”), which is not common in this genre. Pull out a beer from the fridge, spin this fucker and talk bullshit with the cronies, it’s definitely good for that. 6

Syrrok: I’m sure glad they included “Wolf’s return prt 2, because after the first one I just COULDN’T WAIT TO HEAR HOW THE STORY WOULD END! Just like I can’t wait to be forcefully given a DDT by Jake the Snake Roberts. 2

Farlus: This isn’t really how I expected this band to sound, but they’re still pretty cool. I get a heavy Candlemass vibe from them, but better than the last Candlemass album. While good, I still don’t think I’d listen to them again. Nothing’s here that really hooks me and makes me want to repeat the disc. Too bad, I had high hopes. Turns out they’re not so grand! ROFLMAOBBQ!!! 5

Desert Eagle: Upbeat doom? Does that make sense? I don’t know guys, some of the riffs are pretty damn good but weak singing really kills it. Worth a listen I guess. 5

The Abyss: JB’s vocals are simply outstanding, his best work so far in his career and the rest of the band aren’t the ones to be left behind! The pace is quicker then on 2003’s “Monument” but the soulful 70’s rock vibe is still there admist the heavy metal riffs and doublebass drums, providing both heart and soul to the obvious technical proficency of the band. In their genre, Grand Magus are close to perfection. 9

Dew-Scented: Issue VI

5 /10

Lord K: German death metal executed with some thrashier riffing that makes them not all death metal. I once (or 500 times really) bought a Döner-kebab at Wacken, the guy who sold it to me could play in this band coz they sure as fuck ain’t living off their music, they are not that good. 5

Syrrok: Weren’t the last V issues enough? I’m down with some of the thrashy riffs, but when did they hire a metalcore singer? This band makes me want to eat grass. 3

Farlus: These guys give me a Haunted-shaped boner. Lots of saliva-inspiring groove and thrash all the way from the land of fudge cake and scheisse porn. Good stuff. 6

Desert Eagle: My god, I actually cringed when I heard the vocals in this band. Fuck whatever genre they’re in (who cares) but no one should ever think they need to do vocals like that. He sounds like he’s trying to take a huge baby shit. You know the shits that are basically like giving birth? Yeah, one of those. 3

The Abyss: While not the best thing since blowjobs and “Reign in blood” as GD-writer Rafal said, I must admit that Dew-Scented churn out some very impressive death/thrash-metal and actually displays some nifty tricks. For example the left-right panning of the guitar-riff in “Rituals of time” gets a big “FUCK YEAH!” from this Swede. 8

Demons and Wizards: Touched by the crimson king

5 /10

Lord K: My pedophile warning-clock goes off when I hear that title of cheese for the album. If metal-core is the plague of metal, power-metal is the cancer. 3

Syrrok: When the twin powers of Iced Earth and Blind Guardian combine, you know you’re gonna get a couple of things. 1, spell-casting of at least a 15 level. 2, tuned UP guitars. And 3, More power metal than Spudd can even handle. Dont’ let your girlfriend hear this album while blowin’ you or she’ll never swallow again. 3

Farlus: I’m a huge fan of Schaeffer’s work and there’s plenty of badass guitar lines throughout this CD. I don’t really dig on the vocals too much, though. Most of the time they’re bearable, but at times they just get outrageous (and the lyrics don’t help). I mean, a guy wailing “The wicked witch is deeeead” is a little too over-the-top for me. Still, I like the album, and the cover of “Immigrant Song” is kickass. I love that song. 7

Desert Eagle: What do you get when you take a guy from a formerly great band (Iced Earth) and a guy from a currently great band (Blind Guardian) and make a band together? Eh. That’s what you get. 6

The Abyss: Demons and Wizards suffers, just like Jon Schaeffer’s main band Iced Earth, from a very sterile feeling. At first glance there’s nothing wrong with it but there’s absolutely no emotion or depth to be found here and I’ve never liked Hansi Kürsch’ vocals. But anything regarding Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower”-series gets automatical bonus-points from me. 6

Deathbound: Doomsday comfort

5 /10

Lord K: A new aquaintance for me. Are you up for some grindcore? Deathbound delivers it and they do it good, for the genre. The very “broken” and overly distorted guitarsound just irritates me though. I prefer Rotten Sound and Nasum over Deathbound, and that’s all the grind-bands I know. 5

Syrrok: This one sure is a sloppy mess. It’s akin to a professional bicycle race pile-up. You all know what I’m talking about. One of those fruits flies off his bike and 50 follow… creating a bloody mess of spandex and wheels. Deathbound make me feel this way. 2

Farlus: I’d rather calculate the circumference of my testicles than listen to this anymore. (And my testicles are not perfectly circular so that’d be really fuckin’ hard. There are no given testicle math formulae. Not even Newton had the balls to try and come up with that shit.) Fuck math and fuck this thrash/death bullshit. 3

Desert Eagle: When I listened to the first song I thought that ” – Hey, those guitars sound pretty thick and sweet dude”. It was a decent riff too. But then the next one started the same, and so did the song after that, and the one after that, and the next one… 4

The Abyss: It seems like every band that comes out of Finland either play grindcore or power metal with hyper-caffinated keyboard-players, what’s up with that? Deathbound belong to the former category and does their shit well. Not pure grindcore, the songs are too long for that, but plenty of energy and attitude. Makes me wanna get in the pit! 7

Gorerotted: A new dawn for the dead

4.8 /10

Lord K: Gorerotted blends their blistering death metal up with some crust-beats and almost-pig-vocals, and much to my suprise it works. Think Vomitory, but take away everything that makes Vomitory awesome. Add some Yankee-touch to the riffing and a somewhat groove and you got Gorerotted. Alot better than expected. 7

Syrrok: Gore this, Gore that, Gore over here, Gore up, Gore fuck. It’s all the same. Slightly better produced death metal, but still constantly heading in no coherant direction. Gorerotted truly make music for themselves, and I hope it stays that way from now on. 2

Farlus: I loved “Only Tools and Corpses”, and this continues the formula laid down on that record. Comedy gore metal is great stuff. It’s like brutal DM that doesn’t take itself seriously. If you’ve never heard the band, imagine the Berzerker with Cannibal Corpse lyrics. If you don’t know who those bands are, please castrate yourself with a dull toothpick. Thank you. 7

Desert Eagle: This isn’t even registering with me. I’m listening to it right now and it’s just not registering. I instantly forget everything I hear because it’s chum chumm growl growl squeal squeal. Oink oink motherfuckers. 3

The Abyss: Pretty feral black metal that leaves me unimpressed. The aggression is there but the execution is lacking. Not totally without potential though. 5

Holy Moses: Strength power will passion

4.4 /10

Lord K: Holy Moses used to be one of my fave-bands. That was when they released the “Liechtenstein” album. Alot of sauerkrautz been eaten since then and they never managed to create anything along those lines ever again, and they never will. One song (“Angel cry”) reminds me of the good old Holy Moses but ever since Uli Kusch left the sinking ship they pretty much suck. And “Holy Moses” must be one of the most retarded names ever. 2

Syrrok: What am I supposed to make of this? We got another singer with cum stuck in his throat here. The band probably provided him with it. Stupid guitar tone, insulting songwriting, redundant lyrics, it’s all here! All here in a big bag of “who gives a fuck”. 2

Farlus: At first listen I said to myself “Alright, this is OK old-school thrash.” Then I went and visited the band’s website. Hahaha this is my new favorite band. Their English is impeccable! Let’s take a look at the top banner of the site…”Obey the invasion of the original thrash with the one and only brutally feminine vocals of Sabina Classen”. Hahaha! Brutally feminine! Then I looked at their back catalogue… filled with such classics as “Disorder of the Order”, “Too Drunk to Fuck”, “Reborn Dogs”, and “Finished With the Dogs”. These guys make Kreator look like English professors. This band rules. 8

Desert Eagle: What’s with so many bands having shit names this month? Is it really that difficult to think of something not retarded? It also seems to be impossible to not have shitty vocals that ruin everything. Oh, it’s a girl “growling”, that explains everything. I’d say get rid of her but she’s at least somewhat hot so we all know she isn’t going anywhere. 4

The Abyss: Persistant German thrash that drills it’s way into your brain with the tenacity of a drughound. Unfortunatly the band latches on to the good riffs (of which there are numerous) for way too long (sometimes a whole song) which makes the listening experience slightly tiresome. Same can be said for Sabinas hoarse vocals. 6

Obituary: Frozen in time

4.4 /10

Lord K: Definitely not the comeback one hoped for. Whatever they took to create “Cause of Death”, they should start taking it again. “Redneck Stomp” must be some kind of inside-joke, coz that’s one of the lamest tunes these guys ever wrote. 4

Syrrok: I’m done giving credit to bands just for sticking around. You have to prove your existence NOW, regardless of the work you’ve done in the past. The songwriting on this one is just not up to par with their old stuff. They might lose some old fans with this one (Syrrok raises his hand). 2

Farlus: If I were to rate this album based on the opening and closing tracks alone it’d get an 11. Fuckin’ awesome instrumental work there. What’s between the two isn’t crappy by any means, but it does kind of blend together. It all still makes me wet my panties with urine of pure joy. Killer riffing throughout and just an overall old-school vibe to it all. 8

Desert Eagle: Is this one of those classic bands? One that keeps getting new releases just because they’re old? I think so because they certainly aren’t good. Let it die. 3

The Abyss: Y’know, I’ve never really taken a liking to Obituary. “Frozen in time” does nothing to change my opinion. I’m sure the old fans will love it though. 5

Life of Agony: Broken valley

4.2 /10

Lord K: The only good thing about these idiots is that they have “Agony” in their moniker, since Agony is the best thrash-band out of Sweden ever. 2

Syrrok: I used to own a Life of Agony CD back in the day. But I also owned a Bobby Brown CD as well. Enough said. 2

Farlus: Never heard these guys before, but I know Flack back on WhiteTrashDevil used to always praise them. These guys play some pretty good rock and roll. It does annoy me at times, though. Most of the time though it’s some pretty laid back rock to just chill out to, and I can dig that. 6

Desert Eagle: Why? Seriously, who’s idea was this? If Dave Mustaine likes a band then you know they must really suck (except for Nevermore and Symphony X). This band has sucked hard for a long time, ain’t no stopping that now. 3

The Abyss: Just like Agents Of Man, I’m not sure that Life Of Agony really belongs on GD. Make no mistake, I really enjoy this album but when the closest associations points towards Stone Temple Pilots and Temple Of The Dog, you know you’re in shallow water genre-wise. With that said, this is a very good album with solid songwriting and great delivery from the little big man Keith Caputo. Recommended to those who misses the Stone Temple Pilots of old. 8

Deeds of Flesh: Crown of souls

3.2 /10

Lord K: Technical death metal the American way. You know the style, you prolly think it’s ok even, me – I just get bored with the lacking production, lacking groove and annoying-as-fuck kicks. 4

Syrrok: Sweet, another basement recording. Only this time with triggered-to-fuck drums. Absolutely nothing new was even attempted in this. The Detroit Red Wings could write better death metal. 2

Farlus: Cookie cutter uninspired death metal with guttoral vocals. I’m really not in the fuckin mood for unoriginality tonight. Like most bands of their ilk they lapse into moments of cool shit but only for a few seconds before returning to the repetitive monotonous bullshit that I loathe. No wonder people hate American death metal. 3

Desert Eagle: If these guys just gave a few more blowjobs then maybe they could have gotten a better production. My fan has better production. And that shit is windy. 3

The Abyss: Brutal death that are a bit hit-and-miss if you ask me. Sometimes it’s brutal, groovy and other times it’s just boring and uninspired. Counting in the shoddy production this deserves no more then a 4.

Losa: The perfect moment

3 /10

Lord K: Heard the name before, never heard the music. I wish it would have stayed like that. Losa is a fucken fitting name. 2

Syrrok: Fire your singer. Fire your rhythm guitar player. Fire the drummer. That leaves the bass player to go get a normal job deliverin pizzas or something. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for blabbercock giving this album a 9. Let Syrrok set it straight. 2

Farlus: Interesting fact: if you pronounce this band’s name backwards, it sounds like “asshole”. And that’s just what this album is like – an asshole, filled to the rim with shit. Utter, disgusting shit, that’s been packed in nice and tight by some well-hung homosexual. Yeah, this album blows. All the “knowledgeable critics” at places like Blabbermouth will tell you it’s inventive and ground-breaking, but when it comes down to it, it’s still metalcore, just dressed up a little. A turd with a dress on and glitter over it is still shit. Fuck this band. 1

Desert Eagle: Well I guess it could always be worse, I could live in a world where vocals were never good. This world is pretty close, but there are some good singers around. Not in this band though. 3

The Abyss: Here’s something interesting! A band that mixes a shit name, Machine Head, Tool, an even shittier album-title, metalcore and a little bit of old-school Metallica. Can’t say the result is earth-shattering but I have the feeling that Losa will turn out fine after a couple of albums, given the time to cultivate the more epic, progressive tendencies shown here. 7

Disgorge: Parallels of infinite torture

2.4 /10

Lord K: My name is Silly Death Metal. What’s yours? 3

Syrrok: Is this “Deeds of Flesh” under a different name? If “Deeds of Flesh” is Disneyland, then Disgorge is shitty death metal. My analogies rule. 2

Farlus: Brutal DM of this month’s AA. I don’t like Disgorge, never have, never will. I really don’t see how you can play this music with any emotion or passion. I can’t even headbang to this shit. That gets it a thumbs down. 2

Desert Eagle: Are there enough bands starting with D in this AA? And all but one sucked cock, until this one. Or not. 3

The Abyss: Unlike Deeds of Flesh’ album that was half-filled with forgetfull songs Disgorge has decided to stuff “Parallels of Infinite Torture” to the brim of shit I can’t remember. 2

Agents of Man: Count your blessings

2.2 /10

Lord K: Oh man, Agents Of Fag suck, as expected. Fucken disgusting metal-core with sing-along choruses that, yes, suck. I so fucken despise metal-core and have taken hungover-shits that smelled like roses compared to this. Metal-core is the plague of the music-scene. Die, die, die. 2

Syrrok: This album is like a handicap on valium. The music plooooods along… Ugh. The vocals make metroid seem like combat on Atari. I would never listen twice to this. 1

Farlus: It took two seconds for me to roll my eyes at this. This is like Hatebreed doing ass to ass dildo with gay screamo. It sucks. 1

Desert Eagle: This is just corecore. Fucken hell, I don’t even know what that means. 2

The Abyss: These agents try to sneak undercover in the guise of a hardcoreband but really they’re just power-punk from the School of Blink 182, Green Day and NOFX. It was kinda catchy and harmless in a bubblegum sort of way but it definitely doesn’t belong on GD! 5